What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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