what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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