there's paper in my vomit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
