I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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