Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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