My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
