Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think I sprained my soul last night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
