I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
