Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize