youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
