I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
