I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
