There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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