I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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