I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
