Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
