I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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