You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
