So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Two words: nipple clamps
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