I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
