I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
