he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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