I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
