I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
