It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
