am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
