What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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