I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize