I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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