I seem to have left my pride at pride
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
