I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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