she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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