i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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