I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
