Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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