you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
