I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
