I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize