to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
