Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
