no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize