My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His hands were made for my vagina.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
