We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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