We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
