do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
