Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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