dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
