Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
