some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
