I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
