Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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