4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
