She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
