my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
