i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
