try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
