Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
