He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
