I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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