ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
