I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize