Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
