look no pants
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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