Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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