he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
