wat bout pragnant strippers??
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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