what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
