There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
