we're blogging at a bar
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
only if we run a train.
done.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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