My first STD was from a foam party
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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