Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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