I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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