Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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