In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
