p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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