no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
