dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize