i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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