you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
