I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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