Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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