My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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