apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize