Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
