Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
