My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
