my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
