I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
