I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
