Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
