While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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