Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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