Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we should paint friendship bongs
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