I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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