This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
