Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We have so much sex to catch up on
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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