the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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