Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
