farters have to be the big spoon...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
