I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
