he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize