i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
