i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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