My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
