id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
