4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
