I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
