Welp...herpes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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