we're chasing vodka with high fives
i barfeds in our rink
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize