His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
