So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
