Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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