thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
